Saturday, May 23, 2009

Healing

After my disastrous and traumatic experience in my first lab, I talked with a friend of mine - who, somewhat serendipitously, ended up occupying the previously vacant lab across the hall from my new lab - because he had also had a disastrous and traumatic experience in a lab, left, and completed his PhD in a second lab. It had been 3 months. I asked him how long it took to move on, because I felt, after 3 months, I should be completely over the abuse I suffered and get on with my research life. I asked him, how long until I feel at home again.

He told me that 3 months was way too soon to expect to feel better. That realistically, it'll be 6 to 9 months before I start to feel at home, like this is more than a temporary situation.

Holy crap was he right.

I had sort of an "aahaaaaaa" moment the other day where my project just started clicking with me. Where I started to feel ownership over my project, and over my place in this new lab. And it has been almost exactly 9 months. This is *my* thesis project now, not just my job, not just something I'm doing to fill the time until I decide to quit. I'm not quitting. And, so help me God, I am getting a goddamn paper out of it if it kills me. I didn't abandon 2 years of research - which I knew and know is getting tossed in the garbage merely out of spite - and put off starting a family for something temporary. I'm going to get this degree.

1 comment:

Tamsyn said...

Attagirl. I think the 'Sod you bastards' spirit was the only thing that got me all the way through in the end...